I hate saying that because I love complimenting people. It’s so easy. And a good compliment shows that you respect what they think and what they do and not just how they look. It is easy to make a compliment something nice that actually makes people feel good about themselves. Like, “nice ass.” This is not in and of itself a compliment. This shows a very shallow level of thought. The thought process there is, “I saw your ass. I liked it. I wanted you to know that I am having thoughts about your ass that would make you unbelievably uncomfortable….You’re welcome.”
Don’t tell women, “nice ass.” It is just as easy to tell them, “Those jeans look amazing on you.” Do you see the difference there? It’s as though you are saying “I’m not objectifying you and your body, I am recognizing and appreciating the thought that you put into choosing an outfit that looks so good on you. I’m not commenting on your body, I’m giving you a compliment on your clothes! And the sense of style you possess that brought you to choose that outfit. Which makes your ass look great, by the way. But I would never say that. Because I respect you. And I would hate to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Those jean looks amazing on you.” Do you know how great a compliment this is? Do you know how hard it is for some people to find jeans!!!??? People who aren’t dangerously straight put a lot of thought into what they choose to wear. So if you like what someone is wearing, tell them that their outfit looks great. Chances are, they will smile, and say “thank you” and feel respected as a human being. And maybe they will feel comfortable and safe enough to actually have a conversation. And even if they don’t, you may very well have made their day and made the world a better place even if it’s just for a moment.
Now, I’m not saying this to all of you because I want to teach the dangerously straight to disguise their objectification of women’s bodies as admiration of their attire. Because even if I tried to do that, I feel like the dangerously straight would feel that their masculinity is being compromised by discussing a woman’s outfit. “I shouldn’t care about outfits! That’s what the gays do!!!”
When I was single and looking to meet women, it was very difficult for me to know just how gay or straight they thought I was. Honestly, “that outfit looks amazing on you” coming from someone who looks like me is like a compliment wrapped in a mystery. A woman hears that and thinks, “Wait. Is he saying this because he’s gay and he likes my style? Or is he saying this because he’s straight, but has somehow learned how to compliment a woman without making her feel uncomfortable??? I’m intrigued. I must learn more.”
I’m not certain if this is what was actually going through their heads, but when I was single and trying to meet women, I feel like I had the opportunity to talk with them and get close to them because they felt safe with me. I learned that I could be straight without being dangerously straight. And dangerously straight doesn’t just mean making women feel unsafe. It also means being so insecure that you have to let other men know you’re straighter than they are. Based on very little relevant information.